Ubuntu upgrade to 12.04 x64

[didactic_cudgel]

So, My Ubuntu 10.10 OS went end of support back in April, and so I thought it would be so very wise to upgrade. The upgrade from 10.10 to 11.04 went swimmingly, everything was fine on 11.04 to 11.10 and then from 11.10 to 12.04, everything went kerblooie.

When apache tries to start, it blows up on (I think) loading the modperl.pl file. I get these errors:
( Cut for ugly errors )